Sunday, June 23, 2013

The Kitsch Legacy: Generation 1.00

Here goeth a legacy.

 What a pretty founder! She goes by Comox Kitsch, and aspires to acquire much fortune (and also something about reaching the top of the entertainment career).

This is her self-effacing abode. Hey, I'm sure it's funny.

The first task is to find a source of cash to satiate her unquenchable thirst for currency.

Well, with the luck of the draw on her side what with finding her ideal career instantly, she decides to be proactive and gain some of that charisma she's been hearing so much about.

*do come hither, self.*

The allure of Lara's saffron mane was too much to ignore, prompting her to waste precious breeding time by pursuing a probably doomed friendship.

Vocation calls, and she must desert her new pal.

Time passes, and she arrives home so exhausted that she's left with no choice but to par-tay the night aw-ay at a discotheque-ay.

Naturally, the best thing to do for someone suffering from fatigue is to get in a hot tub on a roof at night alone.

Comox:*feels the sensation of worry bubbling away in the evanescence as a chino'd stranger watches.*

She returns home with her mind fixated on butter/margarine/gold

It's ALREADY the next morning, and implantation has not occurred, goddammit. What are nightclubs for if not for finding someone to perform the reproductive act with ??

This picture actually bumms me out, strangely.

Not to worry however, for she spots a male townie walking and abandons her inhibitions/dignity and pounces at the chance to do teh WooHoo

She is turned on, presumably by his creepy stare.

I feel nausea, but she is enamored with the strong cheek boned one.

That is until she (I) spots a more attractive sperm doner. Time for infidelity.

Comox: ur hot lol im only fourteen haha

Sonofabitch I forgot about Cheekbones McGee (his new alias)

Following some slapstick domestic violence, she grovels so not to lose a coveted family friend she can manipulate for a promotion.

She hasn't abandoned more-attractive-dude, though. Let's call him Jace. Because that is his name.

Jace1999: Lets do sex lol im only fourteen

Comox6969: lol haha

I wasn't kidding about the stalker stuff

Funny what cheating on a brand new partner will do to your perception of them. Maybe they ARE fourteen.

Not to worry, now it is shopping time.

Missed connection: you were a clothes rack; im only fourteen lol

Comox:*Dislikes not shoplifting*

I've decided to utilise my godly powers and appoint her as a barista. She is flamboyantly expressing her gratitude.

After I take mercy on her for earning a paltry wage, she chats with a neighbour about stuff and noise.

Comox:*regrets non-WooHoo interaction on walk home*

My expression on every one of my ID photos:

Oh, well you want fun, do you?? Well fine; I'll send you on a date with that home wrecking sim.

With a bad-ass outfit bolstering her confidence, she sets off on her quest for premarital WooHoo

They meet at a cliché restaurant and he wears a shitty leather jacket. Great job.

Who else is checking out that townie's awesome undercut?

Everyone: *stares inappropriately at exhibitionism playing out in front of them*


Damn straight, leatherboy

Oh, also, she proposed. He accepted. That's why the date didn't suck.

Comox: *ponders life with clothes rack that could have been*

Ugh, he wants teh WooHoo liek crazee

Me, people reading this: *shudders*

Brb, excelling at my job

Game coding: *fucks with my sim's success*

Anyway, it's apparently time to get married.

I am perturbed. 

Her wedding dress is cooler than a thousand cool people

At least Cheekbones McGee is being a good sport.

Hmm, conservative enough to wait for marriage for teh WooHoo, but you do it AND conceive a child in a photobooth? My hat goes off to you.

Wedding party: *sickened, but amused*

Wedding party: *poorly feigning obliviousness *

She takes the taxi home without her new husband. Classy.

The newly remodeled and less hovel-like abode. The 18 grand he had did us goooood.

Oh yeah, her uniform.

Comox: *wishes life wasn't a circle of humiliation, ceasing only with death*

Jeez, buddy. You already knocked her up. 

I decided to reassign his actions to something that would help him advance in his lame career.

Speaking of lame careers:

Oh, yeah. Makeover. Preeeety handsome, if you consider the seemingly impossible recessive allele of blue eyes being dominant over some other colour. What the hell, game genetics??

Jace: *tries to make nourishing meal*

Comox: *spurns his efforts and disrespects him* *is pregnant*. Whoops, spoiler.

*Contemplates spreading nihilism like Christianity*

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